Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
