I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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