I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
