i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
