I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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