he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
