My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk is not a location!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
