i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
