how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
