im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
