And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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