you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
