told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
