i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
