i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
