why didn't you poke me back
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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