my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
