is your mom at the bar?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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