pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
