my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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