I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
