i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
