Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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