I need help removing her.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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