Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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