good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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