we're chasing vodka with high fives
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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