Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
