it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
