and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
