It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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