I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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