omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
