I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
