It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
