Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
