Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
