Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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