At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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