you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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