Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
