i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
