First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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