its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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