My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
