ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
