You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
