Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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