Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
