he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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