The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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