We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
